


The Prank Wars

by OsoloNewsDay (TheOtherPerson), uswntFCB



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, Fun, Prank Wars, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Team Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-06-28 20:07:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15714192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOtherPerson/pseuds/OsoloNewsDay, https://archiveofourown.org/users/uswntFCB/pseuds/uswntFCB
Summary: During the 2018 TON, Emily Sonnett and Caitlin Foord start a prank war between the USWNT and the Westfield Matildas. No one is safe from the pranks despite Alex and Carli's attempt to contain the situation. Who will get the "Queen of Pranks" title? Only time will tell.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a prompt from tumblr.

“No, no,” Sonnet shook her head, glaring at her girlfriend. “Why would you ever think that Caitlin was a better prankster than me, Emily ‘The Prank Queen’ Sonnet?”

Lindsey laughed, patting her girlfriend’s knee. She knew she shouldn’t have started Emily up again. She just couldn’t help teasing her though. The blonde was so cute when she tried to argue. Her pale face got flustered and little spittle began flying from her mouth as she passionately tried to prove her point. “It’s true though. Did you not hear about what she did to Sam?” The midfielder went in for another high-five with the Australian. “That was legendary!”

Sam Kerr grumbled. She didn’t even know why she went to the pool to hang out with these losers. She shouldn’t have let Alanna drag her downstairs. She would much rather be back in her room facetiming Nikki. “It wasn’t that funny.”

Kennedy snickered. “Oh, it was so funny. She got Nikki to prank you and video it. That was classic, Foord!”

“And the look on her face!” Caitlin giggled.

Emily smirked at the Australian. “It was pretty funny, but pretty amatuer too…”

She was sure that had she been in Foord’s place, the prank would have been much more explosive and twice as hilarious. She was the master prankster. After all, she had learned from the very best. Kelley O’Hara had taught her protege the ancient art of the prank. How could they doubt that Em was the best?

Caitlin stopped laughing, arching an eyebrow at her club teammate. “Are you challenging my pranking skills?”

“Maybe...” Emily drew out, challenge in her eyes. She couldn’t let them think Caitlin was a better prankster than her. It was like eating only vanilla ice cream and thinking it was the best flavor. The others hadn’t seen her rocky road awesomeness yet.

Lindsey shook her head. She knew where this was going. There was no point in delaying it anymore. “I think there is only one way to settle this, an epic prank war.”

Sam froze. There was no way this was going to work out for her. She could not be on the end of another ‘epic’ prank. “Oh no, I am not getting involved in this again. I was better off talking to Nikki!”

Kerr shook her head. When had she become too old for all of this? The Australian tried to stand, but Emily’s hand shot out, keeping her from leaving. “Don’t you want revenge on Caitlin?”

Sam turned, narrowing her eyes at the person in question. Foord did her best attempt at looking innocent, though the casual whistle was a bit too much. “Fine, but I better not get caught in the crossfire.”

Emily whooped before grabbing Lindsey and dragging her two new prank teammates away. They had planning to do.

Foord watched them leave before turning to Alanna. “Well, it seems like you are on my team. Let’s go recruit!”

* * *

“Come on, babe,” Alanna pleaded. She used her best puppy eyes. The two had only recently ‘reacquainted’ with each other. Would they call each other girlfriends just yet? Neither was sure. Labels weren’t really what they wanted to talk about right now. “Please join us!”

Kyah shook her head, rolling her eyes at the younger woman. She had only been entertaining this notion for this long because it was Alanna. Had anyone else asked her, she wouldn’t even be considering it. She would have simply laughed in her face. “You can’t be serious.”

“Oh, but we are.” Mackenzie smiled. She had eagerly agreed to join the pranking team. Caitlin hadn’t even gotten to the part about how this whole thing had started. As soon as the Thorn’s player said prank, the keeper had been in. “Us against the Americans.”

“And Sam,” Alanna added, not wanting them to forget their own teammate had technically sided with the enemy.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Kyah put down her coffee, looking between her fellow Aussies. “You are telling me Sam Kerr, our Sam, is also playing this little game of yours?”

Caitlin snorted. As if it mattered what team Sam was on. She may be the current ‘Queen of Soccer’, but she was going up against the ‘Queen of Pranks’. Their favorite striker thought she wasn’t going to get any blowback. She had sided with the other pranking team, what else could she expect?

“Come on what do you say?” Kennedy asked, adding a pout to her puppy eyes.

Simon sucked air through her teeth, pretending to contemplate it for a moment. “You know, as much fun as that sounds, I think I am going to have to pass but be sure to take lots of pictures for me.”

* * *

Meanwhile in the other room, Emily had gathered her team with the new additions Mal and Kelley via Facetime. It was a shame that both were injured and not called into camp. Their individual pranking skills were indispensable, at least according to Sonnett.

Lindsey sighed, looking at her girlfriend, who was taking this as seriously as soccer. Emily was in to win it, standing in front of a whiteboard she had somehow procured. The midfielder did not want to know how her girlfriend had gotten it. She was pretty sure she had stolen it from Dawn, which was never a good idea. Dawn would have them running laps until they puked if she found out.

"Okay, we need to start big, give me your ideas."

Mal, who was lounging on her bed, suddenly shot up. "What if we filled their rooms with fake bugs?"

Emily mulled it over for a second before shaking her head. "Too basic, though we'll keep it as a backup plan."

Kelley piped up. She was as into this as her protege. Not being able to play soccer had given her a lot of extra energy. Now she was willing to channel all of that into this war.  "Em, Mal and Horan are going to be practically useless, they never had the epic college prank wars we had."

"Hey! Don't be jealous that me and Mal didn’t need college ball because we were so good!" Lindsey stuck her tongue out at Kelley.

"Yeah, and you watch what you're saying or I'll hang up," Mal threatened. Just as Emily facepalmed, Mal's phone beeped. “Jessie said that we should fill up someone’s car with fruit snacks.”

Mal continued to text her girlfriend, looking for more ideas. Sam was busy kicking a ball in the room against the wall, until it landed near a pair of studs. It was the first time the Australian had spoken since being told to stop reminiscing with her fellow frat daddy. “I know what we can do, we can swap everyone’s studs.”

“Ehhhhh…” Emily hedged. It still wasn't enough. Why wasn’t anyone giving her anything real to work with. She was starting to think she may have gotten the dud team. She loved Lindsey, but the girl was better at joke wars over the phone than she was at this big plan sort of thing.

Mallory was also more of a follower than a leader. She would follow Kel around helping with pranks but did she initiate any of her own? No. She was still too new and unsure of herself for that. Maybe if she had stayed in college, where college soccer translated to college prank wars, she would have more to offer.

Sam, well Sam had been a win in just getting her on their team. She didn’t have much to offer besides the fact she had turned traitor. That in and of itself was sweet.

“Why don’t you start out a little simpler?” Kel asked. “And then ramp it up?”

Em bit her lip. That wasn’t exactly what she wanted to do, but it could work. “What would you suggest?”

“Did the hotel give you conditioner?”

* * *

Alanna and Mackenzie were hiding behind a washing basket, waiting for JJ to leave the room. The Matildas had decided to start with multiple small pranks. Currently, the two of them were putting air horns behind every door. The next person to slam a door would get an unpleasant surprise. Caitlin, on the other hand, was off somewhere, leaving a myriad of tiny pranks behind her as she went.

“No, babe, that’s not how it works!” JJ said into her phone, leaving the room. Alanna and Mackenzie shot out from their hiding place. They needed to work as quickly as possible before another American came down.

“Let’s finish it fast.” Kennedy hissed. The two of them got to work, grabbing duct tape and a pair of air horns each. Luckily, this wasn’t their first room. By now they were practically pros at duct taping air horns. Just as they were about to put the last piece of tape, the door opened, revealing a very confused Tobin Heath.

Tobin looked at the duct tape on the floor. “What are you guys doing in our laundry room?”

Alanna kicked the bag containing air horns behind her. “Nothing much. Just scouting our opponents for our match…”

Tobin stared at them incredulously. “By going through our laundry?”

She was close to Raso and Foord, who were both Thorns. While she knew they were crazy, she assumed it was just them and not an Australian thing. Apparently, she had been wrong. It must be the Australian heat. It made them all a little loopy.

Alanna glanced at Mackenzie for help. “Uh yeah. You know how it is, a person’s laundry tells you everything about them…?”

Tobin, in fact, did not know, but decided to cut her losses and go back to her girlfriend. She really didn’t want to know what one could possibly learn from the laundry, especially if it turned out to be something disgusting. “Yeah, sure. Just make sure Carli or Alex don’t see you.”

The Matildas sighed in relief as the American midfielder left. They couldn’t relax long. Caitlin had obviously been on the other side of the door for the whole encounter.

“Scouting in their laundry, seriously guys? That was terrible. Where did you learn to lie?” Foord shook her head. She knew she should have dropped these two and gone with Carpenter. “Whatever, I put a few plates filled with toothpaste oreos everywhere, put fake rats in a few corners, and painted their soap with fake nail polish.”

Alanna and Macca shared a look, not wanting to know how she got into the USWNT’s bathrooms. “Well, every American room now has an air horn behind the door, so the next time they slam it, everyone will know.”

Just as they finished, they heard a loud honk coming from a few rooms down. Macca grabbed the air horn bag. “Well, that’s probably one of ours. Let's leave now before someone puts two and two together.”

The Matildas scurried out of the room, trying to look as innocent as possible. Alanna turned the corner in hurry and ran into her…. special friend.

Kyah grumbled until she saw who it was. Her eyes narrowed. She had heard the air horn. It wasn’t hard to put two and two together after seeing the guilty looks on her teammates’ faces. Not to mention her  _ special friend _ was holding a duffle bag of what could probably said air horns. “Do I even want to know?”

Alanna shook her head and pecked Simon on the lips. She knew her girlfriend didn’t exactly want to prank with them. It probably had something to do with the age difference. Simon had grown out of her pranking phase long before Alanna had gotten her first national team call up.

The younger woman started to follow her friends back to Prank Planning HQ, but Kyah grabbed her hand, stopping her. “Excuse me, but I’m pretty sure we have a lunch date.”

Alanna looked at her watch, realizing it was already lunch time. How long had they been planning? She could have sworn they had been pretty fast placing the air horns as well. She should at least have another hour before having to meet the older woman.

She looked between her teammates and her  _ maybe girlfriend _ . Macca and Caitlin were motioning for her to hurry up. She turned back, pouting at the forward.

Kyah raised an accusing eyebrow at Alanna. “Seriously? Are you actually considering this? I even kicked out Van Egmond of my room so we could spend some  _ quality _ time together.”

She emphasized the word ‘quality’. Alanna’s eyebrows shot up, realizing exactly what Kyah had planned for them that evening.

That did it for Kennedy. She immediately turned and followed her maybe girlfriend away. Mackenzie and Caitlin were left, staring at each other.

Caitlin groaned. “I can’t believe she left us for sex!”  

Mackenzie smiled. She didn’t have as much at stake in this prank war as Caitlin, who might very well be dethroned as ‘Queen of Pranks’. She was just happy to see Alanna and Kyah getting along again. It had been awkward when the two had broken up. The whole team had been affected.

“Well unlike you, she doesn’t exactly get to live in the same place as her  _ ‘significant other’ _ . It’s not like I wouldn’t have ditched you too if Carson was here.”

Caitlin stuck her tongue out at Arnold before heading down the hallway. “Whatever, we need to find someone else now. Where’s Hayley?”

* * *

Raso’s afternoon was going pretty well. She had gotten lucky enough to room with her girlfriend this camp. They already lived together in Portland, getting a paid for hotel room to have fun in was a nice bonus as well. The coaches must have assumed they already chemistry because they played in Portland together. She had chemistry with all her Thorns teammates. What she had with Caitlin was something different.

Her phone buzzed

**Caity ‘Heart Eyes’ Foord: Where are u? ;p**

**Hay--‘Lets Do Her’--ley: Out front the hotel.**

She had just gotten back from lunch with some of the Americans. Tobin had invited her out. It was just four of them. Tobin, Christen, JJ, and Hayley had gone down to a small bistro down the street.

Raso already knew Tobin and Christen pretty well. Christen lived in Portland now officially. Hayley had even helped them move boxes. All those yoga mats and meditation shit hadn’t been light.

She didn't know JJ as well. Christine Sinclair had brought her girlfriend out to a couple nights out, but for the most part, the couple didn’t spend time together in Portland during the season. They mostly visited each other in Chicago as Julie didn’t have a roomate. Christine, on the other hand, lived with Ellie Carpenter. She was doing the young Australian a favor by letting her stay in her guest room. However, it had been anything but ideal for having JJ over.

Raso was happy to catch up with the little group. It had been a pleasant meal. She just wished Caitlin could have joined them. She knew the girl was off somewhere having fun of her own though.

As they were entering the hotel, Christen let out a little shriek. “Why is the handle slippery?”

Christen immediately went to whip her hand on Tobin’s sweatshirt. The midfielder tried to dodge the sticky hand, but ultimately ended up with a slimy, wet mark on her on her sweatshirt. “Hey!”

“Oh, don’t complain, that’s mine anyway.”

Tobin looked down at the sweatshirt. “I think this one is mine,” she said, though she sounded unsure. Hadn’t she bought this top?

“No, I definitely think I bought that.” The American forward was no longer focused on the door handle. She was too focused on the sweatshirt.

Julie shook her head. The couple was really sickenly adorable. “Seriously, you guys are that couple now? You basically wear each other’s clothes all the time. The internet is constantly pointing it out.”

Raso wasn’t paying attention to the Americans. She had noticed Foord and Mackenzie bound around the corner while the others were distracted.

Hayley sighed, knowing this meant trouble. She had only been gone for a couple hours and her girlfriend was already getting into mischief. There was no way she was sticking her head in this one. As far as she was concerned, ignorance was bliss.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The things start to ramp up in the prank war.

Carli stood in front of her team. Alex Morgan glared beside her. Something had gone horribly wrong all day long. “Ok, I want to know right now who is the cause of all of this?”

The room was silent, though most people were looking at Emily. The girl couldn’t keep a straight face to save her life. Her poker face needed a lot of work. Though to be fair, Lindsey’s death grip on her hand under the table wasn’t helping matters.

Alex sighed. “Listen, we all know you have something to do with this, Emily. You might as well fess up before Jill has to get involved.”

This got both Lindsey and Emily’s attention. Horan may be a staple on the team now, but Emily wasn’t yet. She got a start in the last game, but there was no guarantee she would in the next two. With the World Cup coming up, everyone needed to be on their best behavior if they wanted to make the roster.

The defender sighed as she stood up. “Ok, ok. There is no reason to get Stinky Cheese involved.”

“What the hell is going on?” Carli demanded, looking unimpressed. Alex and Carli kept a straight face, but the rest of the team couldn’t help but smile at their favorite nickname for their coach. She really was the worst.

“I might or might not have gotten involved in an international game of subterfuge.”

“What does that mean?” It sounded a lot like Emily was implying she had somehow become an international spy, which was obviously not the case. If anyone was going to become a spy, it’d be Becky or Naeher, aka the ‘Silent Assassin’.

“You know a gentleman’s game of craft and skill.”

“Goddammit, what are you talking about?” Carli’s patience was running thin. Between not getting any minutes and this, she was not a happy camper. She had hoped that with Kelley at home with Hope, this crap wouldn’t be happening. Instead, it was almost like Kelley was here. The co-captain wouldn’t be surprised to learn her girlfriend had a hand in all of this even from over two thousand miles away.

Lindsey shook her head standing up. “It appears as though some Australians are in a prank war with us.”

“Do we even want to know how this happened?” Pinoe asked, smirking. She was almost impressed by the damage the two teams had inflected. Between the air horns, soap, and greased handles, they had hit almost everyone on the American squad. The Australian team probably was experiencing similar things if she knew Emily.

Emily bit her lip, shrugging. No, the team probably didn’t want to know how this all happened, but it wasn’t like they would take silence as an answer. “Well…. Caitlin may have challenged my ‘Pranking Queen’ throne, which we all know is absolutely ridiculous. How could she even begin to think an Australian would be a better pranker than an American?!”

Carli internally face palmed. It wasn’t like they didn’t already have the pressure of winning the TON on home turf after last year's debacle. Add that to the fact Jill Ellis had gone a bit insane, like mercury poison insane with call-ups and positioning. Now this? They didn’t need one of their own teammates causing this kind of undue stress.

Alex shook her head. She was trying to become more of a leader on the team. She had been around as long as Becky had almost. She had had more caps at least. Now with the captain’s armband, she needed to start acting like Carli did. The team needed to look to her for guidance. In this case, Emily needed guidance on how not to be a complete idiot.

“Seriously? You put us all at the risk of pranks because someone insulted your pride? Please tell me you didn’t involve Kelley…” Alex knew that if her best friend was involved, this chaos would probably only just the beginning.

Carli shook her head. How could her girlfriend not be involved in all of this? It practically had the defender’s name written all over it. The co-captain sighed. There was only one question left in her mind. “Did you call Mal too?”

Had Kelley’s little partner of crime involved as well? Carli was almost sure of it. Emily wouldn’t have wasted time, calling her two best pranking teammates for ideas.

Christen glowered. “You got my team kid involved?”

Tobin patted her girlfriend’s thigh. “She wouldn’t be that stupid to get involved in something like this.”

Emily tilted her head, smirk playing on her lips. “You’d be surprised.”

The couple frowned. They would have to have a conversation with the injured rookie. No team kid of theirs would be causing trouble when not even at camp.

Christen and Tobin weren’t the only ones upset by Mallory’s inclusion. Rose and Sam were already starting to voice their own complaints.

“You took the pain of calling Mal, but didn’t even ask us!” Sam accused, indignant. They had been two doors down! All Emily had to do was go down two doors to ask her best friends to join in the most epic prank war US Women’s Soccer had ever seen.

Emily shrugged, flipping her hand in dismissal. “We couldn’t find any of you; we were busy planning the pranks.”

Carli sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. She would need some Excedrin for this migraine.  “It doesn’t matter how it started or who was involved. I am ending this thing now. Tell the Australians you resign or whatever. We are professionals. We need to start acting like it.”

“NO!” Emily cried. This was so unfair. If Kelley had been there, she would be able to calm Carli down. How could her captain not see how much was at stake here?

Luckily, at least one person knew how to outsmart Carli or at least find a place to hide from her. Pinoe stood up, saluting her two captains as if she was some military private. “Ma’am, no ma’am. We may lose this battle, but we cannot forsake our troops out on front line. We shall win this war!”

The short haired blonde threw her fist into the air. “For Narnia”

The team, even Emily, could only blink at the outrageous outburst. Pinoe looked around at them, realizing that everyone was looking at her. Shaking her head, she grabbed Emily, stage whispering as she did. “Hurry, the old lady is getting slow. If we run, Carli can’t catch us.”

Before Alex or Carli could respond, Pinoe, who had a grip on Ashlyn and Emily’s wrists, hurried out of the room. Rose and Sam were hot on their heels. There was no way they were going to miss this. Horan shrugged at the captains, mouthing ‘sorry’, as she hurried after the crazy blonde pixie and her girlfriend.

Carli shook her head. She was getting to old for this. “You can deal with that Alex. I’m going to go call a certain girlfriend of mine.”

* * *

 

Caitlin and Macca were in their team’s dining room. It was the unofficial common room. The team used it to hang out and play cards. It was the exact place for the pranksters to recruit new members to their team.

Emily van Egmond had been an easy get. She had been kicked out of her own room by Kyah, not that Emily was complaining. She was happy for her teammates. For some reason, the Aussie team was one big ball of gay. Only a few of them played for another team. In fact, dating a guy kind of made you the odd man out with them.

Now, they were discussing what their next prank idea. Unfortunately, it would have to wait as the door opened the sound of an air horn blasting. In the doorway stood Alex Morgan with Christen Press, Tobin Heath, and Alyssa Naeher behind her.

Alex had easily gotten Christen to come along. The girl had been the recipient of no less than four pranks. She should have known better than to grab another door handle after the first one. The air horn and painted soap, though, couldn’t have been helped. Those were new ones, even after having shared a room with Kelley O’Hara. Kelley preferred her pranks and require far more steps.

Tobin and Alyssa had to be dragged along as well to bring back the air horns. Tobin carried some because Christen and asked and Alyssa had agreed because Alex had given her the stink eye when asking. No one wanted to get on Alex Morgan’s bad side.

“You busy?” Christen asked, sitting in one of the many chairs.

“In fact, we are,” Macca said, tilting her head as she wondered what exactly the Americans were up to.

Alex ignored her, getting right into it. “This prank war is ridiculous. Christen almost twisted her ankle when she got scared by your little air horns.”

The Australian keeper grimaced. “We really didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt, honestly.”

Caitlin frowned. “Really, we didn’t mean to. We are really sorry about it.”

Christen nodded her head accepting their apologies. “It’s alright, but you understand now, this seriously needs to stop.”

“Or at the very least only involve Em’s prank force and yours,” Tobin added, thinking she was being helpful. Alex wanted to strangle her. They were supposed to be ending the prank war, not adding rules and boundaries. “The rest of the teams shouldn’t be involved.”

“Yes,” Christen agreed. “The next time I open a sticky door handle again, I swear I am going to lose my cool.”

“Haven’t you already?” Tobin whispered, remembering her poor sweatshirt.

“Shhhhh,” the American forward hushed her girlfriend.

Tobin immediately looked chastised by her girlfriend. The Australians couldn’t help their smiles. The two were absolutely adorable. Their relationship was well known in the NWSL and women’s soccer community in general, but seeing it in person, was just so sickeningly sweet.

Caitlin held her hands up. “First, for the record, we didn’t even put whatever that was under your door handles. That must have been Emily and her second-rate prankers. Second, we don’t mind keeping it more...localized.”

“In fact, if you found a way to tell us when you think Emily will be out of her room tomorrow,” Macca added. “I’m sure we can even find our way to replacing the soap we nail polished.”

Alex smirked deviously “Come after lunch tomorrow, I’m sure we can figure some way to get her out of the room.”

* * *

On the other side of the hotel, in the captain’s room, a very frustrated Carli Lloyd paced. Her girlfriend was refusing to listen to her. “Kelley, I am not going to say it again. You need to tell Sonnet to stop. These pranks are driving me crazy.”

A whine came out of the phone. “But babe, everyone is having fun. Don’t be such a stick in the mud. And just so you know, I’m pouting even though you can’t see.”

The midfielder let out a groan of annoyance. Here girlfriend could be impossible sometimes. “Is Hope there? Please give the phone to her, maybe she will show some sanity.”

Kelley let out a small noise, offended, but passed the phone on nevertheless. “Before you start, I tried to distract her, but she wouldn’t stop talking to Sonnet.”

“Well you obviously haven’t tried hard enough! Do you know that every time I open a door, I get the privilege of listening to an air horn? The duct tape won’t come off the wall!”

Hope winced at the anger in Carli’s voice. ”Maybe, I could threaten her with a sex ban or something unless she stops.”

Carli ran a hand through her hair. “Babe, if you don’t stop Kelley, neither of you are going to be having sex.”

The retired keeper gulped as her girlfriend ended the call.

* * *

The American gang were sitting in the snack room, plotting their next move. Everyone was spread out on the various chairs, munching on whatever was nearby.

Pinoe piped up, full of ideas now that she had been included. “We could put hair dye in their shampoo, especially in the USA’s colors. Them showing up on game day would be hilarious.”

Ashlyn sighed, her little friend tended to take things slightly too far. “For the tenth time, we can’t do anything so major that the coaches will notice! Not all of us here are interested in losing our World Cup roster spots.” She looked at Emily, pleading for her to come up with a better idea.

Emily sighed, looking around the snack room and hoping for inspiration to strike her. There was nothing much, just Dawn approved healthy food and some toothpaste Oreos. Lindsey, who was leaning against her, was slowly falling asleep. That was how boring and unproductive their meeting had become.

Just as the defender was thinking of calling Mal, her phone started ringing. It was Kelley. Maybe she could give them an idea.

“Hey Kel. Please tell me you have a prank idea?” Sonnet asked hopefully. Her team had been giving her little to nothing.

There was a sigh from the other side of the call. “Sorry dude. I’m just calling to say that I’m done and that you should stop. You need to listen to whatever your captains tell you and be a good team member.”

Emily frowned, suspicious of Kelley’s goody act.

“I mean you definitely shouldn’t cook a fake cake or anything. And then feed it to the Aussies. That’s just wrong…” Kelley whispered, before returning back to a normal tone. “Any who, got to go. Remember, I’m telling you to end this.”

Emily smirked, understanding what Kelley was getting on to. She got up, startling her girlfriend awake. “Everyone, I have an idea!”

The few people in the room stirred, happy to finally come up with something. Emily started instructing everyone, “Rose, Sam. I need you to go down to the kitchen. We’re making a cake.  Ash, call Ali and find out what flavors the Aussies like.”

She was in the middle of giving more instructions when her phone dinged. She had a message.

**Alex Morgan: Meet me outside the hotel rn**

**Alex Morgan: Captain’s orders**

**Emily Sonnett: ...why?**

**Alex Morgan: For a truce**

Emily highly doubted that Alex, the most competitive person on the team, if not the planet, wanted a truce. However, she was interested in what Alex wanted. Ignoring her captain could only lead to more trouble anyway.

She poked Lindsey. “Wake up. Let’s go see what Al wants.”

Lindsey yawned at her in response, wanting to stay and sleep. Emily pouted, continuing to poke the midfielder’s arm until she gave in.

As they were leaving the room, she heard the start of Ashlyn’s phone call with her girlfriend. “Babe, you have no idea what Emily started with the Aussies…”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Finale

Christen was standing outside the hotel with Tobin and Alex. Alex had texted Emily, in a ploy to get her out of her room. The team normally would have allowed the pranking to go on, but it had started to affect them. Not to mention their soap was expensive. Christen’s soap, much to Tobin’s disgruntlement, came from Italy. It was just a bar of soap for Christ’s sake. It shouldn’t cost a thousand bucks.

In exchange for getting Emily out of the room, the soap would be replaced. That was probably the only reason Christen and Tobin had agreed to it. Alex, on the other hand, needed to regain order. She was captain now. If they wouldn’t listen, then she’d just have to broker deals that kept the pranking contained. 

The group hoped that Carli would take care of Kelley, though they highly doubted it was possible. Christen still recalled her Stanford days with her friend. The pranking wars had been insane back then. If the defender was really involved now, it could only mean trouble. 

“Have you called Mal yet?” Alex asked. They were still waiting on Emily so they might as well at least be a little productive while they waited. “We need to get her out of this as much as Kelley.”

Tobin shook her head. “Please, Kelley is ten times worse than anything Malamute could come up with.”

Christen didn’t comment. She knew their team child was up to the challenge. She had gotten close with Kelley over the last couple camps. Not to mention Jessie’s influence on her. Sometimes it seemed like she was growing more juvenile in the little things she did to impress her college girlfriend. 

The Stanford alum dialed Mal’s number, putting the phone on speaker. 

An unsure Mallory Pugh answered after the first ring. There was only so many things her team mom could be calling about. “Hello? If this is about Emily, then I’m innocent.” 

Tobin snorted. “If you are going to pretend to be innocent, try to not mention any knowledge of the crime first, kid.”

Mal groaned. “Just because I know what is going on, doesn’t mean I’m a part of it.”

“If you knew what was going on,” Christen said. “Then I know you would have told me. That is, if you weren’t involved of course, which we already know you are so you can save the lies.”

“But...I…” Mallory was speechless. How was she supposed to defend herself if Christen already knew the truth. 

“Listen very carefully, you will not have anything more to do with Emily’s little pranks.” Christen used her best mom tone. Even Tobin sat up a little straighter at her words. 

Mal didn’t have a chance to reply. Emily had finally graced them with her presence, forcing Christen to end the call prematurely. At least it added to the menace she was trying to convey. No doubt she had the young girl shaking her boots.

“Sup, playas?” Em waved at them, Lindsey trailing behind her. 

The group snorted. Emily was one of the most immature players on the team. She reminded them distinctly of a young Kelley O’Hara. It was no wonder they were as thick as thieves from day one. 

“We need to talk,” Alex glowered. She wished Carli could have dealt with this. The midfielder was known for her grumpiness with light fun like Emily was trying to have. Perhaps a couple of years ago Alex would have been pranking alongside the defender and her little gang. Now though, she was a captain. She had to lead by example. “You need to contain this little prank war of yours.”

“Excuse me?” Emily scoffed. Alex could no more control her than any of them.

“This is affecting our team.” Christen shook her head. National tournaments weren’t supposed to be such a headache. They didn’t need one of their own causing all this mess behind the scenes. They already had enough pressure on them; the national spotlight nearly blinding. 

“And I believe Jill wouldn’t want that. Perhaps we should ask her?” Alex asked, her fingers tapping on her lips in pretence of thought. 

Emily glared, but her girlfriend visibly paled. She understood that the forward was not joking. “Em, I think we should listen to her.”

“What are your demands?” The blonde defender growled. She did not like being put over a barrel. 

“You have to keep it just between you and Foord and whoever else is on her team. No more throwing random pranks out there and hoping a few hit the right target, or I am going to be forced to remind you that we are not the only ones at this hotel. One complaint about us, and Jill will have your head.”

Alex and Emily glared at each other, neither willing to concede at first. It was only Lindsey’s hand on her shoulder that finally got Emily around. The defender sighed. “Alright, I agree to only keep it between us.”

The forward nodded. “Thank you.”

Emily gave a nod of her own before turning to her girlfriend. “Guess we better call off the girls.” And then in her best attempt at a french accident, she said, “Let the people not eat cake!”

Alex sighed, not even wanting to know what that meant.

\-----

Emily groaned the entire way towards the kitchen, her girlfriend trying to keep her laughter in behind her. Emily was really annoyed. She had just started another prank when Alex told her to stop. They couldn’t have waited one hour more?

Emily groaned one last time before slamming the door open, revealing a very startled Sam and Rose. “Guys, we have to stop. Ms. New Captain wants to put training wheels on our pranks.”

“What but we just got started…” Rose clearly wanted to feed the Australians whatever she was making. 

Sam realized that if Emily was backing down, then it must have been a lost war. She started to open the oven. Just as she touched the handle, there was a loud air horn, as the Matildas came rushing in. 

Caitlin stared at the Americans in shock. “What! We took this route to avoid you guys! Get out, you’re ruining our secret run!”

Emily smirked, taking some satisfaction in the fact that she ruined something at least. That counted as a prank, right? “Well for your kind information, we need to stop this prank war. Our captains are on our asses. Let’s just finish everything now and declare ourselves winners.”

Just as Caitlin was about to argue back, Ellie Carpenter pulled her shirt frantically. They young Aussie had tagged along with them, hoping for some team bonding. “Um guys, I think the mitten may be on fire….”

Everyone immediately turned towards the oven where, in all the haste, the mitten had fallen in. Smoke poured out of the oven. Thick black streaked the grey clouds. The mittens were ablaze. 

It only took a moment for the smoke alarms to start, blaring loudly. 

Emily and Caitlin turned to each other, both with the same expression of ‘oops’.

\-----

\--3 Weeks Later--

“...And then all our studs were covered in water and we had to evacuate. We had to move hotels and everything.” 

Carli was lying down on her sofa at home, reliving the ‘hell’ she went through. Hope was sitting across from her, hiding her smile behind a coffee cup. Kelley meanwhile was trying to cuddle with Carli, who being upset at her involvement in everything, was ignoring her.

“It was completely ridiculous.” She threw her arms up in the air in frustration. Of course, Kelley took the opportunity to move closer, arms wrapping tightly around her mate. Her head nuzzled into her chest. 

“It was an accident,” Kelley murmured into the soft shirt of her woman’s chest. 

Carli glared down at the younger woman. She didn’t try to move Kelley. She was too tired of the octopus like grip and struggling against it. In the end, it just wore her out and left Kelley the victor. There was no point in fighting it. 

“An accident should not involve three fire trucks, emergency evacuation, and a very pissed off Jill.”

“And why did she blame you?” Hope asked, not really sure if there was an explanation for anything that the new coach did. 

“Well…” Carli started.

\-----

“And then we tried to put out the fire,” Mal said, her arms flying up wildly.

Jessie giggled. 

Tobin wanted to offer the younger woman a high five, but the glare on her girlfriend’s face made it clear that she shouldn’t. 

Jessie and Mal were currently staying at Tobin’s place - or technically Tobin and Christen’s place now - in Portland. The four of them had gone for dinner to get to ‘know’ each other better, know as in interrogate the little Canadian.

“Who knew sweatshirts were so flammable,” the girl added, remembering the way Sam had freaked out. 

 

Jessie observed her adorable girlfriend who was animatedly telling her the story of the Aussie vs American prank war. Christen was adding in her scathing remarks in between. As hilarious as this was, Jessie personally thought that neither teams stood a chance if Canada was there.

\-----

Emily glared at Caitlin, gripping the controller in her hands. After the failure of a prank war, they had come back to Portland and tried to finish it through various other competitions and challenges. Their current one was on FIFA and was now an hour long, Neither girl was willing to give in though.

Behind them sat their girlfriends. Hayley gave Lindsey an exasperated look. “They’re never going to stop, are they?”

**Author's Note:**

> Osolonewsday2: I would just like to say thanks to my new co-author. She had been fabulous. Give her a big round of applause folks.


End file.
